We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
