I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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