it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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