We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
