fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
