Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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