nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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