Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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