Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
