Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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