She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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