Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
