drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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