You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I supernannyed him into submission
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
