He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
