She's like a pop up book from hell.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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