I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
