who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
