Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I believe in your delicious
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
