Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
