Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
