I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
