i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
