it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
