Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
