I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
