i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
