maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
