Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
