i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
How's work?
Spinning.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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