you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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