So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
