tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
