Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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