I wish my penis had an off switch
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I would fuck him just for his dog
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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