Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
