Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
