omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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