jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
