So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
