You just made me feel so damn special
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
And then he peed in my hair
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