we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
