Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
