Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
