i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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