How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
