they need to just BURY HIM!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
