I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
