I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
