i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
