I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
