i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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